I heard about this new police recruit.
He was taking his final exam.
He was in the front of this big classroom and the Sergeant asked him,
“What would you do if you had to arrest your own Mother-in-law?”
Without missing a beat he said, “Call for backup.”
I heard about this man that was in a dark restaurant.
He leaned over to the woman next to him and said,
“Hey, would you like to hear a blonde joke?”
She said, “well before you tell me, you should know that I am blonde,
6 feet tall and a professional body builder.
And the lady next to me is blonde,
6 foot two and a professional wrestler.
And the lady next to her is blonde,
6 foot five and the kick-boxing champion of the world.
Now, do you still want to tell me the blonde joke?
He thought about it a moment and said,
“No, not if I’m going to have to explain it 3 times.
I heard about this wealthy man that was known for being eccentric.
He was having a big party at his house
and in his backyard he had a huge pool
filled with alligators and sharks.
He said to the guests, “Anyone that will swim across my pool
I’ll give you anything you want.”
In a few minutes there was a big splash
and a man was in there going 90 to nothing…
dodging alligators, maneuvering around the sharks.
He made it to the other side just in the nick of time
and got out as frantic as can be.
The wealthy man said,
“I can’t believe that you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.
Now what is it that you would want?”
The man said, “What I want, more than anything else
is the name of the person that pushed me in.”
I heard about this lady that died
and she found herself standing at the pearly gates.
Saint Peter said, “You can’t come in unless you correctly spell a word.” She said, “What word?”
He said “any word.” So she spelled the word love. L-O-V-E
Peter said, “Welcome to heaven.”
Then Peter asked her if she would take his place.
He instructed her, “if anybody comes just follow the same procedure.”
Well, in a few minutes this lady sees her ex-husband coming up.
She said, “What are you doing here?”
He said, “I just had a heart attack.
Did I really make it to heaven?”
She said, “Not yet.
You have to correctly spell a word.”
He said, “What word?”
After a long pause she said Czechoslovakia.